I want to discuss the letters and respective words at the beginning that we could interpret as a roadmap of connecting lines, weaving threads, overarching categories of continuity and significance.

I don’t have them all figured out yet. How they might relate to one another in congruence to the character plots calling out to one another, whether the order matters R-S-V-P-C, whether these words were chosen to locate specific moments within the text or to spark our imaginative assemblage of meanings under the umbrella constructed by them…??

In any case, I will connect as many dots as I can… (missing S and P. Ideas welcome)

On this rainy day in May, the individual world’s of each character connect at the point of a narrative constant, the rain remains.

R is for Rain-

Rain, I believe, stands for infinity. OR the possibility of an answer too infinite to hold on to- the space beyond knowing. How many raindrops? is not the underlying question being asked. Rather, the question is “How far am I from grasping infinity?” Isn’t that Xanther’s greatest cause for anxiety? Not knowing how much is out there and feeling like she should be able to figure it out somehow? If she could just ask the right question.
The number of raindrops is out there. “Dancing on the pavement” even if she can’t know it.

“Terror tightens around the child’s eyes. Finally something about Hopi that isn’t wobbly. Terror doesn’t wobble. It knows what it is.” (223)

Hopi and Xanther share a common trembling anxiety. Hopi bites his blue pencil, Xanther sings the Question Song. The wobbling tremor of their minds’ racing is not for fear, but rather in anticipation of the thing they fear most. Death, I’d suspect. Or rather, a painful death, one without care, one without reason. Being lost or alone before the end. [all the characters might actually share this in common {all beings might}].
The questions, although we know them to be never-ending, and possibly unanswerable, still cause us to tremble in the wake of their enormity, and we worry that we will die before we know what it was we were looking for. “As if begging for and answer. Even the echo of an old answer. As if begging for the comfort of just knowing itself to be begging could suffice” -Cas (150).

This anxious, desperate desire {and simultaneous dread} for unknown answers is the violent side of infinity.

V is for Violence-

A stormy cold night is a good setting for Violence, or at least that’s what hollywood and old murder mysteries tell us. The climactic action happens in a downpour where blood and rain and sweat and tears seem to flow as one down into…earth, deeper darkness, an end. The Violent End of All.
“Even the planet itself orbits against itself, with constant anomalies threatening to set it loose, heading toward unreachable light or surrendering to the dark obliterating mass at the galaxy’s core.” (135).

Özgür – “When you are standing in the rain where the dead have lain and the blood has mostly washed away, it makes sense then to think only of her” Katla Katla Katla.
Surrounded by relentless violence and grey storms, we think of the ones we love, the ones who cared for us as we cared for them.

Does the rain know death like we do?
Maybe. And the people that were, the paraphysical entities that were, the animals that were, know there will be a violent end to all of this, but we will probably have already faded into a convoluted or lost history by then.

“All those memories lost. Like tears in rain. Time to die.” -Blade Runner
This storm, too, will rage with war, and eventually, will come too, to silent death.
“Easy as rain. Quiet as what comes after rain” (210)

Could it be that there is still Hope in spite of all this dismal destruction? Could the questions be- perhaps not answered, but- brightened, given a lighter quality than the dense doom of a raging storm?

The sun won’t stay behind the cloud.
-Armenian proverb.
The sun, a familiar friend, warm and bright, gives us light, to ignite the path towards tomorrow.

‘C’ is for Custody
…and Care…and Cariño (not your Google bitch)…

‘C’ coincidentally, also stands for Cat, which is the entity that counteracts the magnifying grandiosity of infinity (‘R’).

Perhaps those that hear well will find something Captured which escapes Contemplation. -Bill Evans
The one who hears the Cry for help and answers it, will in turn have answered for themselves, what they had been searching for, in the rain. Xanther pays attention. She hears. And Cares enough to go searching for the source of the Cry.

The Cat, unlike the rain, is something small and sweet and needs to be Cared for, requires to mathematical Computation, nor violent methods of Control; a kitten needs protection and Care and love. This affectiona (not just for the Cat, but Care for Xanther, [and Care given by Xanther] {Also how Cas and Bobby Care for each other}) is what makes this Catastrophic kaleidoscope of Colors and Cacophonies, darkening destruction, and infinitely quantifiable raindrops, possible. It adds Calm to the Chaos.

“Even this kitten beside her seems nothing other than simplicity itself.

Also in place

Also arranged.

Also safe…
the kitten is here at her side and even if nothing seems to have changed everything suddenly feels manageable.

Or better:




About xoebien

La poëta au cachot, debraille, maladif, Roulant un manuscrit sous son pied convulsif, Mesure d'un regard que ;a terreur enflamme L'escalier de vertigo oú sábîme son âme. -Charles Boudelaire

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